•たりしないように運命付け

I could hardly remember about the day i'd a crush on you, but i'll never forget the date we first knew each other, 8th of october. I remember, i'll always remember this date, we first met at hougang green, tot of going rounding tgt, but something crops up, so you fetch me home, that was also the first time sitting on your bike. And you went off after that, not long later i recevied your messages, we messaged and messaged, i could remember every single little things. You asked me why didnt i wanted to follow you to mustafa? Lol, and i claim that i dont wanna be a fuck up girl, since nobody fetching liting, den lets all be fair. And days later, i couldnt really when or what was the date, you first ring me up, and graceson was at your house too. And we talked, and talked, time passes so fast, we hanged up. And, 10th of october, was the first time you asked me out, i think for awhile, and agreed. You waited for me to prepared and i text you, you came over to my house downstairs to fetch me, and walked over to your house, stayed at your house waiting for your bro to be back, and we went to dont know what is the place named? We went there fishing, along with graceson and haiping. And the place was so creepy, lol. Was messaging with des, and you keep taking my phone away, and you keep it! & A bat fly through us, haha. We'd quite much fun tgt den. And, forgotten was who hungry, and we went to changi to grab smth. You bought nasi lemak for me to eat, despite me saying i'm not hungry, haha. And after that we walked over to cheers or 711 to buy water? And went back to your bro car to sit down, see ahgua. And forgotten what time, we went back home. I reached home you asked me to text you. And, we become more and more close, as a frd. We talked on phone for hours, till you and i are tired. To be frank, even tot im tired, i didnt said. I wanted to spend my time talking on phone with you. And day goes by, i also hardly remember what happened next, but i know, one day after your liondance, we met up at grn. And late night, i sat your bike again, that was the second time going out tgt, and sat on your bike also? This time, i was the only girl, along with graceson and your another two frds. We went to geylang? And changi aftermath. The guys ate nasi lemak again, but this time i didnt eat. And same thing, after eating we went to cheers or 711 to buy water, always shared green tea with him! :) And, as usual, we went walking around, hah. I remember, frm that day onwards, always around a certain time, i'll said, morning 6am alr, birds are calling us back. Hah, den we'd alot of jokes and everything. Till around going 7am already, told him, he dont believe, still scold me dont know what! :x then after that, home sweet home already all of us. And, as usual, we'd always talk on phone and everything till morning very late one. Then back to bed tgt. As days pass by, we're still in quite a good terms. Till one day, he confess to me, i hardly remember the date, but if i'm not wrng, was between 10-13 october, either date. That night, i know i was very upset, i told him i'll text him again later. I was lying on bed, messaging with tricia, and ahyong anwei me. I know this day could properly arrive, i didnt know what revenge you wanted to give, maybe there's more. I layed on the bed crying, as i was messaging with you, even how cold you scold or treated me, i still talked in a very good manner. And, things start to get worst, we stopped messaging. And i was really really very upset, i only remember, tricia and yong was there for me. People said i'm silly to cry over such things. I cried wasn't because the way you wrote such a ugly things in your blog, but the way you compare me and your ex girlfriend, mingui. I was really dam upset and disappointed, i didnt realise what a girl i was to you all along, till the day... i was never upset about what you wrote about mine bad things at all. And get back to zhikwang after i settle down and everything. And yeah, he kind of confess to me, i didnt really believe him. As i know, its impossible between me and him. So i care less about that. And i think, he was seh that night. The way he messaged was very funny and weird. And i couldn't remember what happened after that. The next day, he and graceson dont know went where, and was a sunday, he ring me up, and wanted to bring me out to eat at compasspoint, but i didnt went. I told him and explained, its a sunday, usually is a family day to me, and i rarely go out on this day, unless is at night. So he said okay. And then, night time jessie came and find me, as i was very upset still about jiayang's blog thing. This time, smth crop up, i was feeling even more upset. Zhikwang and i stopped contacting, just because i said i wasn't a good girl, maybe he shouldnt had wait for me, and go on to find a new girl. And yes, we stopped contacted till then. And i bathe prepared &everything, she left and i went to geylang tgt with my mother. Went to eat at geylang, and back home. Tricia and i was having a lil quarrel? But everything was fine, she still loves me as ever. And reached home, wanted to find tricia, so i went down to take lift, i ring zhikwang up again, a girl picked up. I was abit hai, dont know what to say. Since i tell him to find another girl, and yet, he really do so. Fine den, cabbed to suntec find tricia. And chiak the cab tgt go joo kiat place /complex find ahxian. And den, from that day onwards, if im not wrong, was 12 or 13 october? We stopped contacting. Days passed, was gordon and jiayang's chalet. It was this day, this day that made me and zhikwang back to normal onces again. I remember, it was at macdonald whereby me and him start talking, he took my phone. And i know he was peeping into my messages. I quickly pull ahneo to tell her, superly shy. Cos i saved his and mine msg. And, till that day, we was really fine already, i was really happy despite knowing he's wooing sharon at that point of time, but i care less. Cos, im mre than happy knowing me and him is alright, and back to normal. And, back to the chalet. 15 october, we were playing at the chalet happily, tapping slapping each other's back. Along with feilong, tricia and another guy, can't remember the guy name, plus zhikwang. We were lying on bed, talking, playing beating each other. Till, i suddenly slapped on his face real hard, nobody knows... but they heard the sound, they didnt cared, cos they tot the sound was i hitted his back. Till zhikwang, faced another side and didnt wanted to talked to me anymore. I sat down there for half and hour waking him up, telling him i'm sorry, despite all this, he didnt cared, he ignored. I was really afraid, afraid we're gonna be like few days back, never contact talked nor anything anymore. And, ive got to go to jialuo's court already. I couldnt spare somemore times to pei him, to apologise to him anymore. So me and jessie left the chalet, bus back to hg. Home to changed, and stanley came and fetch me, den fetch ahneo. Went to jialuo's court, after his court ended, tricia text me, saying i think, zhikwang not going to forgive you anymore or smth, i was really dam fucking shagg. I quickly texted him, i remember me sending him alot of sorry. And no replies, well den. These are all the best i'd done, but you ignore there's nothing much for me to do den. Back home to rest, sleep and everything. Went down to pasir ris again to find tricia for awhile, and me and jessie went to drinking with my frds. And days just passes like this, without failed, at night i'll think about him, i'll always text him even without his replies. I miss him alot, this feeling was really dam sucky. I didnt dared let anyone know how i was feeling, they must have been very suprise if i were to let the truth out. And so, i often ring kahleng up, i told him everything about me and zhikwang, i really miss him. But he just dont seems to care, i told kahleng all the memories me and zhikwang had tgt, everything i could remember! Its a memories that will be burried down deep inside my hart, no matter what. And, days jus passes and passes, without fail i'd still text him. And, i forgotten when was the day or date, i saw zhikwang sending sharon to find andrea &co bahs? And i was there too, my hart feeling so weird, not in a v good mood, but i pretend and wear a mask on it, and, she dont know showed who the rose or gift that zhikwang gave it to her, i didnt wanted to see, cos my hart and mood was really v fuck up alr. But, he's not mine, i cant do anything! Its a feeling which had been hiding inside my hart for long, but tdy, im letting it all out. I'm not afraid of anyone saying anything. Okay, and, about a week later. I couldnt really remember, i met nigel feilong &co? We pei zhikwang wash his bike, i see him, we seems so stranger, we dont talked. Sharon and andrea was there too. Den, it was a late midnight. Ard morning zhikwang and ahkeong were still washing their bike. And, me and jessie went to ave8 toilet, went to mac bought things, and jessie need to left, she went to meet ahrui. Den she left not long, she passby hougang grn, she text me, she told me haiping and jiayang like seems to be tgt alr. Without anything, i burst into tears. And i ran to a side to cried myself out. Nigel and feilong came to console me. :X and den, after crying out, i felt much bttr. We went back to the void deck, zhikwang went home after finish washing his bike, den me sharon andrea and nigel went to 684 eat, had our breakfast. Tricia came to find me upon knowing i was very upset about haiping and jiayang's stuffs. And when she reached, we went to find zhikwang at his house there, nigel sharon and andrea find zhikwang, while me and tricia sat oppsite the blk talking, and ard before 10am, she left for work. And den pei zhikwang went to his old house to eat, i remember? We did talked? Forgotten either. Den, finished eating we went back home. Mircale do happens, 22th October, was walking back home, zhikwang text me. He told me, stupid gal, dont cry anymore le, dont keep stressing yourself, something letting go early might be a good thing for you also, you're still young, still got long way to go. Look far, see far. There'll be a guys who really are for you de. Takecare bah, dont always show black face, very fast old de. Not very cute and pretty le! Cheerup :) I was freaking happy, but sad as the same time. He pei me messaged, all the way till i did laughed a little, and he told me, its time he have to go, since im happy already now, its time for me to sleep. But i didnt let him go off leaving me alone here, hah. Den, he said, wanna go along swimming along with him ahdi &co later, i told him anything, i pei him, but not going swim, he said okay. So, was ask to bomb him up at ard, 1plus? He superly cute, told me, if i couldnt blast him up, go his house wake him up, so he gave me his address, laughs* den i was blogging to wait for time to past, and ring him up. And, ended up, raining, nobody went. Den, messaging with him till i think, he fall asleep, and i auto sleeps, night time i woke up by his call. And i bathed &down to grn to look for nigel &co. But he was with jiayang, so instead, i went up lan to look for zhikwang &co first. And same, they wanted to go kopitiam, jiayang was there too. I felt so gaowei, den shuiching came over our table, we talked, and i burst into tears, and so made graceson and shuiching have a little conflict, i felt so guilty. And, graceson me and zhikwang plus one of their frd, no idea what name, we left to grn behind to do smth. I was feeling v down, graceson anwei me. Told me alot things, bt i was still upset. Den walked over to kopitiam pei him buy water. And we slacked at the back till dont know what time, sharon came, and den we walked over to find jiayang's &co to talked smth out. And left to kopitiam again, i meet nigel, ahrui &co luh. Then zhikwang left with sharon, graceson left too. And i promised graceson to be home by dont know what time, forgotten. And that time, me and graceson was really on good terms, he always never fail to joke with me, anwei me whenever i felt sad. And, zhikwang left with sharon alr, he texted me. Ask me early go home and everything. And i slacked along with nigel &co den back home. And days passes, me and zhikwang was really back to normal, i was really happy! And we do contact and everything but seldom like the first few days whereby we met and always night bring me out to changi or wherever~:x till, we're okay already, 24th October, was again the time he asked me out, was also the day, me and graceson kind of become strangers again. I dont know whats the reason behind it? But we just stop contacting and talked. So, was a midnight, went down to meet zhikwang, and i saw justin, warren all this. Warren drive graceson they all. While i sat zhikwang bike, and ahkeong went too. We went near changi there pray? I didnt pray, so stand outside with ben and justin, talked core. And, finish praying, went to changi there? And, forgotten what happened next too. And time flies, back to hougang. Send me home first, den we find it weird, i was sitting zhikwang bike, den warren car followed behind us, so turn around and ask where're they going? They said, a grp go out, so definitely a grp send back tgt. Lol, so i oso forgotten what me and zhikwang said, and den they left. Me and zhikwang left only, i told him i dont wanna so early go home, den i said bring me out, lol. And he bought me up to his house, hah. Lols. Den we watched tv tgt, den till very late, frm midnight reached his house, till morning was still awake, den wanted to go home, he dont wanna let me go, i ring tricia up, hah. Den we talked core, den end up, i stayed at his house. Sleep till night time we woke up, he left to grn, and i went back home. Days passes frm this days onwards, we still keep in contact still. But, in between i didnt even know that he and sharon tgt, if i were to know, i'll never stay so close with him. I felt guitly and think i like spoiling them up, but i didnt do anything to spoil thm up other than being close with zhikwang, but heard they were tgt for less than 24hrs. By then, days passes, i couldnt remember did we meet or anything? But definitely we always talked on phone, i'll always at home wait for him back home we talked on phone, till late morning. Den, on the 28th October, he came up my house with my dinner! So superly swit of him, den i talked with him outside my door, den he pei me go bring my bro. And my bro went back home, we chit chatted at downstairs and bought yakult for me, hah. He's really swit in times. And his cuteness always attrach me so much, he bought stickers and paste on his bike. Den after that, asked me go eat, and he left to grn while i stayed at home for the whole day. And the next day, pei him to polyclinc, he came my house downstairs fetch me and pei him removed his stiches, so happy that i can pei him. :) after that, pei him go make the helmet thing, and after that, pei him eat, and then he send to me ahdi's frd chalet, actually going with shuiching, end up he wanted to send me, so im really sorry bitchy, reached the chalet, we actually gave each other face, me and shuiching. :x was really fucked up, wanted to leave one. But end up, we're fine. Den slack at ahdi's chalet frm i reached, evening... till midnight we cab back to hougang. Again, he confess to me. And, this time, i really dont feel like letting him go and leaving regrets. So i told him to gimme sometimes, so frm 30th October, i think and think, till for 3days, i decided, i followed my hart even thought at that point of times, nobody supported me, nobody agree of me being tgt, its not a matter or age, it isn't. I dont find it a big problem. Its how playful he's, he do have his past, so i'm really afraid falling in love all over again, i told him. I said, what if you turns out to be jiayang? He told me, he'll never. Cos both of thm are different. And just before the day we're tgt, 1st November, he wanted to meet me at grn busstop, he told me just come down, but i couldn't make it, as its impossible to leave jessie alone here at grn with the rest, so i gave it a miss meeting him, despite my hart feeling so itchy! Wanting to meet him, end up he told me, he wanted to bring me to mounth faber park, my favour place, which i'd never went before either. Sadded! And for those past few days, i'd been thinking i really been thinking and thinking, so on the 2th of November, we get on tgt. Things was really swit on the beginning. I slowly stopped thinking about jiayang's. Thks for letting me gave up on you. And, he promised me. He'll love me with all his heart, care, dote. And this promise will never be broken, unless he's dead. How swit and cute. But i'd never dare to fall deep again, but i'd always tired giving him all the love i could, and hopes he's really different frm jiayang. :) And things happened, just on the 2nd day of tgt. Partly was my fault, my fault for sitting on other guys bike. Everything was me, i'd never been a good girlfrd. I always tend to spoilt things up, im sorry baby. And, at night he told me alot of things, i see already, didnt expect a guy like him could typed out such things. And, i really dont know what to tell him or reply, so i didnt reply. I woke up and played the computer, and he was online, he didnt sleep. I didnt replied him, as i tot he was sleeping, end up i was wrng. He wasn't sleeping, so the quarrels start to occurs, till late night we're okay. I love him being the way he's, he dont give up on this love easily. He told me, i'm the second girl he put his whole heartly to love and care, at first i dont really believe. Others always told me he's not a goodguy, being with him, i was really afraid, but i took my pride, i ignored what others have to said, he's the first guy, i ignored what others had to said, and i followed my hart, tgt with him. And to realise, whatever he told me, i was the second girl he put his whole heart to love and care, was kinda of true. So days goes by, we waited and see... in times, he's really swit. I forgotten what happened between us, 11days later, i told him i wanted a breakup. And, we just broke of this way. I hardly can remember what happened. And, so 11days later, yeah 11days. And we broke off, and i contine my beauty sleep during afternoon all the way, and he text me, thks for all those happy moment being with you, take great care, that part of time i truly love you de. But as like now leave le, i can say de only, just ask you takecare of yourself k. Anything still can call me. I find him really very swit, tot it doesnt have really alot of words. But guys like him, hardly could find him saying all those words to girls. And i read it out to tricia, everyone find it really swit. And didnt expect my baby could be so swit, its not that im navie like jessie always said im, its, ahya. I just dont know how to explain, its really swit of him. Not even jiayang's longer messages could replace his so short and simple text. And, i didnt feel like replying, cause i know, if i replied, we'll be patching things up, but im really tired. I wish to give myself a break. Den night time, he asked me, do you still have the hart to be tgt? And yes, i told him, yes. And he told me, can we do bttr than the past? So people you see, he's true to me or not, i know myself. I dont know outsider to keep gossip and gossip, when whatever you people are seeing are just the outside, but whats the inside when he's good and swit to me? And, i guess if im nt wrng, that night he talked things out with me, he talked alot of things, which made me drop tear. Lol, silly me. But i do love him, its just im tired. So after saying things out, we both felt much bttr. Days later, on the 17th October, we broke up again, i regret letting him leave. I dont know shld i say why did i let him leave, cos i know, i know, its really very unfair, and if i were to let him know, my hart still thinking of jiayang, how could he feel? And why i make him pissed off and asked him leave, was cos, on the other hart, i was really thinking of jiayang, out of nowhere. I gt no idea why did he suddenly just pop up in my mind, and fuck the god dam shit. I just let zhikwang left, i didnt stopped him, infact, i told him to leave me if he wants to. And, for the moment he left, my heart feeling very empty. And to reaslise that, i start to truly love him even tot when im with him, i still thinks of jiayang. But when zhikwang really leaves, i fucking regret for not stopping him frm leaving me, and infact still asked him to leaves. And, i sat down while i was working, i sat down, i think and think, was it jiayang that i still loves or zhikwang? Till then, i could tell frm my feelings, its zhikwang that i love mre than jiayang that i misses. And i regreted, all i asked for was onces mre chance, And, i overnight at cherie's house, i texted zhikwang, actually we're meeting, end up never. And, we're still nt tgt back yet. We didnt talked things out yet either. And sleep, the next day, 18th October, went to work and everything, nuanuanua at work. He and i didnt messaged much like before, my hart feeling so empty without seeing his message, and i cried inside the toilet, i keep telling myself, i just need another chance frm him, i regretted letting him go, im so unfair to him. Why? And i just wanna haohao ai ta dou yi chi. :) And, at night reached home, i didnt think much, i just without fail keep sending him messages even tot he didnt replied. And the next day, 19th October, we wasn't alright yet still, onces the moment i woke up, i tired nt thinking of him, but failed to. And i text him, he did replied after the 3rd messages i sent him. And i told him i really misses him, i wish he were right beside me, and i told him zhen de hen xiang ni. And he replied, what you want me to do? Then, he said if i want, go over find him. I was really happy and excited. And, went to bathe and walked over to find him. At first, we see each other, both very quiet, not long later we start talking, and den, we're okay alr. He auto hug me, superly happy! Frm that moment on, i wanna hold him tight and never to let him go anymore. I wanna used up my whole empty hart to fill up him. And to shower him with all the love that ive. He's the guy, the guy i gonna share my unhappiness and happiness tgt. I'm not gonna care what others have to say. I felt that, i do alot just for him more than jiayang. He's the only guy, i wrote out such a long post for, the only guy, i could remember all the memories, nth is being missed out. I just wanna let you know, my love for you are true, thks for everything. I'm sorry for those unreasonable words i always said. Gimme some times to change for the needs. I wanna love you whole heartly. Despite not meeting that often, my love for you still reamains. You're juat like the sun that shines in light into my world, often you're also one of thm that always being here for me, i understand after we're tgt, things started to changed, we dont talked on phone much often, you dont bring me out much often either too. I understand, cos you need to work, but you'll always take your effort to spare some time meeting me, i'm sorry for always been giving you excuse for not meeting. But, i hope wherever you're, whatever you're doing, your feelings will not fade, and will think of me even when we're not tgt. I could say, maybe i'm not used to it, that we dont usually always messaged, cos maybe its a habit that me and jiayang created, every min, we'd message and being just right beside each other, but you and i, we're compelety different, but our feelings are the same, i'm glad. I only hope that, you'd understand me more, cos i find you not really quite understand me, but i believe, one day you'll come to understand me more. And, i'm sorry, maybe i'm being too sensitive of you messaging with other girls, but since you're old enuff, and like you said, you know what you're doing, i gave my trust to you, i wont doubt you, for i love you, trust is the most imprt thing of all. Baby, listen hard. I can't love you forever, but i'll love you as long as i could, and as deep as the ocean... you'll always be a part of me.